#ByInvitation: 'It's not about snatching phones away – it's about pulling kids closer'

Have you ever noticed how a teenager’s attention evaporates the moment a phone buzzes? The uproar over New Jersey’s decision to ban mobiles in schools, echoed by similar moves in France and parts of India, tells us one thing: adults are desperate to curb screen time. Some governments even toy with total phone free campuses. But simply outlawing devices is like bailing water from a sinking boat with a spoon.

Instagram’s new ‘Teen Accounts’ feature for India feels a bit like YouTube Kids – well meaning, but ultimately porous. Predators and negative content slip through firewalls just as easily as any teenager learns to swipe past parental controls. So if tech fixes won’t do it, what will?
While working with children, we’ve discovered that teens aren’t tuning out because they’re impossible – they’re tuning out because they rarely feel adults are truly present. They’re adrift in a sea of perfectly filtered lives, clickbait headlines, and loud influencers telling them exactly how to look, think, and feel. Beneath it all, they’re desperate for genuine connection.

Rather than preaching, maybe we should talk with them – deeply and often. Ask what they really make of the latest viral trend, laugh when they explain the rules of a game we can’t even pronounce. And watch as they lean in.
Don’t ban AI; teach them to use it wisely. AI can spark ideas and help with research, but it shouldn’t become a crutch for shortcuts. Social media can be a place to unwind and discover new art, music, or humour – but only if teens learn to spot the gap between a real friendship and a hollow “like.”

Yet, none of this sticks without a firm sense of self. Identity is an anchor in turbulent seas of comparison and hype; it is an adolescent’s best armour in the digital world. When rooted in a clear understanding of who they are, what they value, and where they come from, they are far less likely to be swayed by influencers, trends, or the relentless pull of comparison. As educators, we have witnessed what teenagers describe as reverse racism – a tendency among young people to gravitate toward Western or East Asian pop culture; admiring K dramas, idolising foreign brands – while overlooking the richness of India’s own languages, art forms, and traditions. Curiosity about other cultures is healthy, but when it tips into rejection of one’s roots, teenagers face a vulnerability that no algorithm can shield them from.

We need to encourage students to explore their own heritage so they can stand tall – no matter what trend the internet throws at them.
In the end, it’s not about snatching phones away – it’s about pulling our kids closer. Let’s step into their world as curious allies, not disciplinarians. Ask about the memes that cracked them up or the posts that upset them. Share your own moments of doubt and discovery. When we show our vulnerability, they’ll show theirs.

If we want teens who think deeply, question boldly, and connect genuinely, we must first connect with them. Only then will they have the confidence to unplug from the noise – and plug into what truly matters.

Agree? Disagree?
Write to us at: byinvitation@timesofindia.com
The views expressed by the author are personal
#adolescence #socialmedia #phoneban #AI